thunderpopcola:

Here is a post-Valentines post! Hope you are encouraged by it! :-)

Disclaimer: Please don’t think that I have nothing else to learn about love or that this is the ultimate truth (whatsoever).  Love is indeed subjective, not all of these may apply to every single person. Everything I am writing here is based on experience and my observations of relationships that fail and succeed.

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I am twenty years old, graduating in a month’s time (supposedly) and I have a thing or two, to share about love (or what I perceive it to be or hope for it to be).

Love, I have come to discover, is different for every person. There is no “right” or “wrong” way of falling in love or being in love.

e.g. I cannot belittle a love that’s only been rekindled in two weeks time, because I have friends who’ve been there and mind you, they radiate love so desirable and so true. And, just a few weeks ago, they celebrated their first anniversary. Compare it to an acquaintance who has been with her lover all years of her high school and college life and they broke up recently.

Probably, the only thing I could talk about is (not even how to find love or stay in love because, well, I’ve been single all my college life) probably how to avoid unnecessary heartbreaks because we focus on the wrong reasons for being in a relationship and being with a certain person.

1. Fall in love with love.

2. You don’t enter into a relationship because you need someone else to fill the emptiness. (or because you enjoy the attention)

Believe me when I say that no matter what you do and no matter how many relationships you have with other people (it doesn’t even have to be romantic), you will never be completed by someone else who is as broken as you. 

If your primary reason for entering a relationship is simply to fill that hole then you will keep on hungering for validation until that person gets tired of feeding your ego and eventually, s/he will get tired of you.

We humans can only give “so much” of ourselves to others but never completely, in the way another wants us to because we are limited to the love that we can give (even if we feel that we already are giving everything we have).

Fill that emptiness with love so self-serving and so self-gratifying and in the end, you will be left with even more emptiness than you ever felt in the beginning.

3. Be grateful for your heartbreaks and your mistakes. They make up your (love) story.

I regret a lot of the decisions I have made in the past. If it were up to me, I would go back to each and every single “relationship” and heartbreak I had so when I do meet the man I am to marry, I could tell him that I have been very patient and I have taken my heart for him. But well, it isn’t up to me, it’s up to Him. 

Whenever I think about it, these “mistakes,” these heartbreaks were never without a purpose. These events, no matter how small they seem, were perfectly purposed. They have led me to where I am now, with a clearer and more genuine understanding of love. Now, I can definitely say that I have learned so much (although that included so much pain). I have grown and I continuously grow in all the decisions I make before  I can finally say to myself that I have reached a point when I am certain that I am prepared for another relationship and this time it will be the last.

Sure, I may not be able to tell my husband that he is the first person I ever loved but I will be sure to tell him that he is the first man I ever truly loved and he will be the last. 

4. There are times when, out of love, the greatest thing you have to do is to let go, so people can find their way home.

Letting go of somebody you cherish and someone you have gotten so accustomed to is one of the biggest struggle anyone can ever experience. There are times that out of selfishness we cling to our heart’s desires because we think that if we do, s/he will never come back or no else can fill his or her place.

Letting go is a wretched but beautiful thing because there are times that you have to understand that before you can grow together, you must first grow as individuals, even though it has to be apart. In another scenario, that person may not come back because s/he only had a specific purpose in your life and you will realize that soon enough. That person may be somebody’s someone but you will be too. And imagine that wonderful thing you have done, you allowed that person to reach home. And you are one step closer to reaching yours. 

5. Perfect love conquers all fear. 

6.  You are not single because _____________________.

Stop torturing yourself with self-loath and insecurity.

No, you are not single because you are undesirable, because of your weight, because you cared too much, because you loved too much and it goes on.

Being single is a great thing because it gives you a chance for so much growth, which you can probably do less if you have to take care of someone else (which you are committed to in a relationship.) It is best to allow yourself to grow as an individual before you can grow with someone.

You are single for a purpose. You are single because you have so much to learn about yourself and about other people. You are single because you have to understand that before you can truly love anyone else, you have to learn to truly love your Creator (and thus, love yourself.) You have to seek Him with all your heart before He can finally allow yourself to love someone else.

He hides so we may seek Him. 

7. Dear beautiful, you are worth pursuing. 

8. Love the unlovable.

In every relationship, you are dealing with two individuals with differences and before you can finally commit to that relationship, you have to learn how to love the unlovable. 

Perfect relationships do not exist.

I have been married to my wife for 30 (?) years. You see we are very different people, we are opposites and there are days when we fight and I just want to leave. But then I stop myself from going out that door, and that’s when the feelings come back.

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